Author Topic: How to Survive Your Boyfriend's Divorce  (Read 13705 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Hidden

  • Legendary Member
  • *******
  • Join Date: Jun 2007
  • Posts: 5,442
  • Gender: Female
How to Survive Your Boyfriend's Divorce
« on: July 19, 2007, 08:00:51 PM »
How to Survive Your Boyfriend's Divorce By Robyn Todd and Lesley Dormen.

Yes, there is a book just for us.   Fair warning they will tell you if he hasn't filed for divorce and moved out that you should run.   However....It does give some really sage advice about protecting your self esteem and understanding that you always have choices.   I think there is some really great words to help you actively negotiate and get your needs met.   It also helps you understand the limitations and come to terms whether you can accept them.     Best of all it does paint a very hopeful picture of what these relationships can become.

Click title to review and/or purchase this book from Amazon:
How to Survive Your Boyfriend's Divorce: Loving Your Separated Man without Losing Your Mind
« Last Edit: June 22, 2008, 11:34:32 PM by Admin »
Louise to Thelma " you got what you settled for, huh?"

Offline Hidden

  • Senior Member
  • ***
  • Join Date: Jul 2007
  • Posts: 384
  • Gender: Female
Re: How to Survive Your Boyfriends Divorce
« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2007, 06:39:57 PM »
Does everyone wonder if they should run??

I know this is always on my mind. 
The times I can't talk to my MM and the days that I can't see him drive my crazy.
Life is too short to be unhappy!! :happydance:
Being loved deeply gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage!! :love:

Offline Hidden

  • Legendary Member
  • *******
  • Join Date: Jun 2007
  • Posts: 5,442
  • Gender: Female
Re: How to Survive Your Boyfriends Divorce
« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2007, 06:58:53 AM »
Nobody can tell you if you should run but you.   It is on your life's path to find out.    Be fair with yourself.  today you may not know the answer. 

I think a far better question is what am I getting that I need in a relationship from this relationship right now? 
Louise to Thelma " you got what you settled for, huh?"

Offline Hidden

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Join Date: Nov 2009
  • Posts: 1,334
  • Gender: Female
Re: How to Survive Your Boyfriend's Divorce
« Reply #3 on: October 04, 2008, 11:52:56 AM »
I'm just finishing up this book and I agree with Shelby, there is a great advice about how to cope with these relationships and that you have choices...

For me, right now, our relationship is on a break after a D-Day because MM needs to figure out what he's going to do.  This book outlines many of the things he would be considering if he were going through a divorce -- including whether or not he's doing the right thing by getting a divorce.  It only makes sense that he's considering some of the same things as he's figuring out if he is going to get a divorce.

This book has given me a sense of sanity during this month...  In fact, I'm convinced it wouldn't be sane to be involved as deeply while he considers whether or not to get the divorce because he's just not stable.

Also according to the book, I should be running away because he hasn't moved out or filed (that's what the past four years have been)...  It doesn't mean the rest of the advice is wrong... That piece just happens to be wrong for me :)
My Sister = Candy     My Niece = Sassy     Tigger = MM   Elsa = Tig's Wife
Oldest Friend = Owl   Work Friend = Filly     Filly's MM = Dude
xMM = Iggy
LB (Little Buddy) = My kitty cat

There is absolutely no excuse for sweatpants and a t-shirt stained with red wine and pizza sauce just because you're having an emotional crisis! -- Me channeling Edith Head, September 3, 2012.

Offline Hidden

  • Legendary Member
  • *******
  • Join Date: Feb 2008
  • Posts: 4,100
  • Gender: Female
Re: How to Survive Your Boyfriend's Divorce
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2009, 03:49:04 PM »
I just began reading this book. I really don't think it was written for women seeing separated men, it was actually written for us. But I imagine that would have been too much for most publishing companies. lol

Sno, did you find you had trouble reading it? I can only do a few pages at a time and then it just becomes overwhelming and I have to put it down and process what I've read before going on. But even as far as I've gotten, it's been helpful.

----

Patrick = my love
BB - Adopted baby brother
The Crazy Lady - Patrick's W
The Cousin - Patrick's current GF
Canada - Patrick's xMW
Turk - my roommate

Offline Hidden

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Join Date: Nov 2009
  • Posts: 1,334
  • Gender: Female
Re: How to Survive Your Boyfriend's Divorce
« Reply #5 on: April 20, 2009, 05:40:55 PM »
I absolutely had to put it down from time to time because I felt like, "Oh my god.  That's exactly what I'm feeling.  That makes complete and total sense about what he might be thinking or going through."  It was a very step by step process that helped me along the way.

To this day, I still think about many of the things I've read there.  I don't know if that means I'm more of a "doormat" or more of a good girlfriend.  I think it's made me saner in that I often think, "Okay.  That's his BS.  I'm just going to ride it out."
My Sister = Candy     My Niece = Sassy     Tigger = MM   Elsa = Tig's Wife
Oldest Friend = Owl   Work Friend = Filly     Filly's MM = Dude
xMM = Iggy
LB (Little Buddy) = My kitty cat

There is absolutely no excuse for sweatpants and a t-shirt stained with red wine and pizza sauce just because you're having an emotional crisis! -- Me channeling Edith Head, September 3, 2012.

Offline Hidden

  • Legendary Member
  • *******
  • Join Date: Feb 2008
  • Posts: 4,100
  • Gender: Female
Re: How to Survive Your Boyfriend's Divorce
« Reply #6 on: April 20, 2009, 06:20:43 PM »
Oh good, I was afraid it was just me. lol

She makes so many good points that it would be impossible to list them all, but I appreciate that she continually reminds the reader that they have choices. I didn't find what she said bitter or negative, just to the point. At each step, she's right, we do have those 3 choices: bail out, put the R on hold, keep doing what we're doing.

And I needed the reminder that being in love with a separated versus the man still living with his W really isn't that different - they're BOTH STILL MARRIED. I think I was leaning very hard towards going NC until he moved out and/or could prove that the divorce papers were filed. Now I'm not so sure I wouldn't be better off wanting the divorce finalised before trying the R again - assuming either of us wants to at that point.

The book certainly provides lots of thought provoking material. Frankly, I wish I'd read it 18 months ago. 
----

Patrick = my love
BB - Adopted baby brother
The Crazy Lady - Patrick's W
The Cousin - Patrick's current GF
Canada - Patrick's xMW
Turk - my roommate

dridobits

  • Guest
Re: How to Survive Your Boyfriend's Divorce
« Reply #7 on: July 13, 2009, 01:07:46 PM »
I got a lot out of this book. What I really liked is that it was non judgemental and always gave options...I didn't find it pushy. I'm not sure I agree with the issue of a man living at home with his wife and being married being the same as after he's moved out, but hey I might be here in another six months sobbing so I'll be cautious about that one. I think each situation is different. Yes, there odds are not good for married men leaving their marriages. So are the odd's for beating stage three cancer. Through the latter, I learned I am not a statistic and that it is my journey and many of life's lessons for me happen for a reason. I truly didn't believe my mm would leave. I was on emotional hold for a long time. It's still scary as I know it's going to take quite awhile  before things calm down and his needs are huge right now. I will say this is taking a lot of energy for both of us.

dridobits

  • Guest
Re: How to Survive Your Boyfriend's Divorce
« Reply #8 on: March 20, 2010, 11:22:21 AM »
What? Did I miss the part where they tell you DON'T LET THEM MOVE IN WITH YOU. Uh yeah. Girlfrieds, never ever never ever never let that happen. Ugh.com

Offline Hidden

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Join Date: Dec 2009
  • Posts: 1,009
  • Gender: Female
Re: How to Survive Your Boyfriend's Divorce
« Reply #9 on: March 20, 2010, 11:58:10 AM »
I read the book, even though MM has not actually filed for D yet.  He keeps moving in that direction, albeit slowly.  I did wonder who she was really writing for; I mean really, how many women could there be out there who just happen to fall in love with men in the process of a D?  I look forward to rereading it once he takes the next step!

Offline Hidden

  • Junior Member
  • *
  • Join Date: Sep 2011
  • Posts: 79
  • Gender: Female
Re: How to Survive Your Boyfriend's Divorce
« Reply #10 on: October 17, 2011, 11:17:54 AM »
My book came today!  :runaround: :runaround: :runaround:
I can't believe I did this again...

Offline Hidden

  • Junior Member
  • *
  • Join Date: Jun 2014
  • Posts: 55
  • Unapologetic Other Woman
Re: How to Survive Your Boyfriend's Divorce
« Reply #11 on: August 04, 2014, 12:27:47 PM »
I'm halfway through the book now. It's okay. Not much I didn't know before though. What I gather is that the authors are just regular people whereof one of them has dated a divorced man. There's a vast difference IMO between this book and Dating the Divorced Man which is written by Christie Hartman, Ph.D., with an M.A. in clinical psychology.
Bruce = former MM, now SO

Offline Hidden

  • Badass Bitch
  • Full Member
  • **
  • Join Date: Feb 2014
  • Posts: 133
  • Gender: Female
Re: How to Survive Your Boyfriend's Divorce
« Reply #12 on: August 05, 2014, 03:18:30 AM »
Are there consistencies between the two books or contradictions? I'm curious.
big black wolf :) - 4 yr. old doggie

Offline Hidden

  • Junior Member
  • *
  • Join Date: Jun 2014
  • Posts: 55
  • Unapologetic Other Woman
Re: How to Survive Your Boyfriend's Divorce
« Reply #13 on: August 05, 2014, 04:29:29 AM »
Are there consistencies between the two books or contradictions? I'm curious.

I want to preface my reply by saying that I have only read about 2/3 of each book.

My impression so far is that much of the content in How to Survive Your Boyfriend's Divorce is basic EMR relationship skills, that you learn just by being in a long term EMR. Dating the Divorced Man goes more in depth into the specific issues you are likely to have a problem handling when your fMM is divorcing.

I'd say the books are consistent with each other.

How to Survive Your Boyfriend's Divorce is very easy reading IMO. It helps you refocus if you lost your focus because of the new issues that pop up during the transitional phase, but to me it was more that, refocus, than actually providing anything new.
Bruce = former MM, now SO